


Twenty Years Hence: Adventures in Squid-Sitting

by SkarmorySilver



Category: Protectors of the Plot Continuum
Genre: Or maybe much longer, Ten Years Hence, babies ever after
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 16:01:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17046629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkarmorySilver/pseuds/SkarmorySilver
Summary: Lapis shrugged. “Well, at least one of the kids agrees with me. Now, are you gonna join me in finding the others?”“Sure, I guess.” He leaned to the side and looked past her. “Did you leave the door open when you came in here? I wasn’t really paying attention.”“Of course I didn’t! It’s not like I’m stupid enough to—”She looked around at the open door. Then she looked back to Abe, and then back to the door. This happened three more times with increasing speed before she finally said, “Well… darn it all. Should we call the cops and tell them the sea monsters have escaped?”Three words: Angelic squid babies.(Co-written with Voyd)





	Twenty Years Hence: Adventures in Squid-Sitting

**Author's Note:**

> _[Disclaimer. Voyd and SkarmorySilver only own the characters that appear here. We do not own any of the following:_ Monster Musume _, which belongs to Okayado; the Monster Girl Encyclopedia (which the_ Monster Musume _characters featured were based on), which was created by Kenkou Cross;_ Kid Icarus _and_ Pokémon _, which belong to Nintendo;_ Secret of Mana, _which is owned by Square Enix;_ Steven Universe _, which belongs to Rebecca Sugar;_ The Touhou Project _, which belongs to Team Shanghai Alice;_ Big Hero 6, _which belongs to Disney, Marvel Comics, Don Hall, and Chris Williams;_ My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic _, which belongs to Hasbro; or our beta-readers, Edhelistar and S.M.F. We hope you enjoy!]_

“Dad, look! Look! I’m a Christmas star!”

“Oh? Oh! Wow, Polaris, you really are!”

Cupid smiled broadly, ruffling his son’s tentacle-hair. The nine-year-old firefly-squid-boy, emitting light from various parts of his body, beamed at his father’s praise.

Unfortunately for their five children, Cupid and Stephanie were in a bit of a hurry, and had little time for their antics. They were still hitching up their bags, and had just been about to step out of the door when they were suddenly mobbed by forty tiny legs and ten tickly tentacles.

“Where are you going, Dad?” asked Iris, her colorful flamboyant cuttlefish limbs wriggling beneath her, and her pink feathery wings fluttering eagerly. “We wanna come! We wanna see how this PPC thing works, too!”

Stephanie sighed; she had aged rather gracefully, and now bore the exclamation-point badge of the Department of Fictional Psychology, but if there was one thing that confused and frustrated her more than anything (aside from her old partner’s alcoholic relapses), it was her own children. “Take it from someone who has, little ones… you really don’t.”

“Yeah, Steph didn’t hole herself up in a kiddie pool for several months, hand-fed by yours truly, only for you to not even make it to college age,” replied Cupid. “Besides, we don’t think our work will be very interesting to you, anyway.”

“But I wanna go to FicPsych!” said Morpheus, the youngest of the bunch, whose markings like those of a striped pajama squid only added to his cuteness. “I wanna see what Mommy does, because I wanna be like Mommy when I grow up!”

“Well… you run into some very very weird things in my job. People seeing things they shouldn’t have… like looking at a Deep One.” Stephanie often forgot her children’s ages, and still made casual references to her fandoms despite them being completely inappropriate for the rather young and impressionable squidlets.

Cupid nodded, his wings ruffling slightly. “Now, I know you’re not exactly going to be happy about this, kids, but… You’ll be getting a babysitter this afternoon!”

A chorus of “Aaawww…” was the response to that.

“She’s an old friend of ours, don’t worry!” said Stephanie. “She saved my partner’s life once. And I’ve never beaten her at poker…”

“But I heard she was terrifying,” said Morpheus, his tiny gray wings flaring defensively.

Cupid lightly elbowed his wife, chuckling. “Well, she… I guess you can say her behavior’s a bit of an acquired taste. But she’s an amazing woman once you get to know her. Trust me.”

Abe, the oldest of the squidlets, looked oddly at his father. “I thought you said Mom was the most amazing woman?”

“Indeed, she is.” Cupid stretched up on his tiptoes, the cue for Stephanie to lean down so he could kiss her cheek. “But Lapis is a darn close second!”

Freya shrugged, her Humbolt squid tentacles wriggling a little nervously. “If you say so, Dad…”

There was a knock on the door a moment later. “I’ll get it!” said Cupid.

The family was greeted by a woman with short-cut, ocean-blue hair. She was dressed in light armor that failed to cover her exposed midriff or her bare feet — somewhat reminiscent of Corrin from _Fire Emblem: Fates_ — save for her right arm, which lacked a hand, but had a mechanical prosthetic instead, complete with floating rod-like “fingers”.

Lapis gave her former partner a deadpan look, the little bags under her vivid blue eyes giving the impression of someone who hadn’t slept in a week.

“I hope this is important,” she said with a slight smirk. “I did not come here all the way from the DIAU just to hear you tell me you chipped a toenail.”

“It’s pretty important, actually!” said Cupid. “We were kinda hoping you could take care of our kids while we were gone.”

Freya peeped and hid behind Abe, which was a little hard to do thanks to her actually being taller than him. She peeked out cautiously from behind her vampire-squid brother.

Lapis regarded her with a slightly cautious air. “Cupid, I understand that taking your children to work is a bad idea most of the time,” she said, “but I’m not exactly well-suited to handling them. The only reason I’m even here is because you agreed to _pay me_ for this job like you would with any other ‘squid-sitter’.”

“Lapis, you’re one of the most loyal and supportive people I know,” Cupid replied, reaching out to pat the gem on her shoulder. “You’ve never been one to turn down a favor. Besides, I figured it was about time you got to know our family!”

She folded her arms. “Cupid, I’ve known you and your family for _years_ now. But you of all people should know that I decided never to even _date_ anyone, let alone raise a family with them.”

But no sooner had she said this when Polaris waddled up to Lapis, reaching out with a tentacle to try and poke at her robotic right hand. “Wow, what are you? Your hand looks so co—”

“She lost her right hand twenty years ago,” Cupid cut in. “She never was able to have it regrown, so she has to use a limb enhancer instead. You know, from _Steven Universe?_ ”

The squidlets stared blankly at her; clearly, they didn’t know.

“It was an amazing TV show from like, two decades ago,” said Cupid. “Lapis modeled it off of the limb enhancers that one of the characters — Peridot, I believe — used to wear back when she was working for the Homeworld. Maybe I should get you to watch the show sometime for a full explanation?”

Abe quickly bored of the explanations and moved away, forcing Freya to move as well.

“Anyway, as much as I’d like to stick around and explain the long, sad history of our friend here, we kinda have to go. Like, right now. So… You kids are excited to get to know her, right?”

Abe muttered an agreement, and Freya nodded nervously.

Stephanie waved to her children and practically dragged Cupid out the door.

There was silence for ten seconds. This was broken by Lapis shutting the door, and then looking at all the little squidlets before going “Okay. Sooo…”

“Can we play a game?” asked Morpheus. “Like Hide and Seek? I love Hide and Seek!”

“Aww, but why?” replied Polaris. “You know I always lose.”

“Your glow gives you away every single time,” said Iris. “Might want to work on that!”

“Why? Your colors aren’t so sneaky yourself!”

Lapis saw Iris turning darker in color, and interrupted the kids before they could start arguing. “Hide and Seek is fine! If it keeps all of us busy, I’ll have to make do. You all okay with that?”

The squidlets nodded, and Abe spoke up. “You’re it.”

Lapis blinked. “I’m not sure, honestly. Maybe—”

“Awww, c’mon!” said Morpheus. “Hide and Seek is always fun! _Pleeeeease??_ ”

Lapis had to admire the little pajama squidlet for using the same Baby-Doll Eyes move that she would’ve done at his age and in the same circumstances. Finally, she sighed and said, “All right. Now, I’m going to turn around, and count to twenty. You know how this works, don’t you?”

Freya nodded. “Y-yes, Miss Lapis…”

The other squidlets also nodded in assent, though Abe rolled his eyes.

“All right. Turning around now. Closing my eyes. What are you waiting for? One… Two… Three…”

This went on for around a minute before Lapis said, with a complete lack of enthusiasm, “…Twenty. Ready or not, here I come.”

She turned around, opened her eyes, and promptly let out a wry chuckle. There, seated in the corner, was Abe; all he’d done was change his color to match the generic walls.

“Abe, I _know_ you’re not even trying. Can I disqualify you? Or should I just boot you from the game, anyway?”

“Sure, whatever.” Abe’s colors shifted back to normal.

“You’re not even in the mood for this, aren’t you?”

“That’s something Mom never seems to get.”

Lapis shrugged. “Well, at least one of the kids agrees with me. Now, are you gonna join me in finding the others?”

“Sure, I guess.” He leaned to the side and looked past her. “Did you leave the door open when you came in here? I wasn’t really paying attention.”

“Of _course_ I didn’t! It’s not like I’m stupid enough to—”

She looked around at the _open_ door. Then she looked back to Abe, and then back to the door. This happened three more times with increasing speed before she finally said, “Well… darn it all. Should we call the cops and tell them the sea monsters have escaped?”

“I’m sitting right here, you know.”

“No, I meant the rest of your siblings. They’ll probably be halfway across HQ by the time your parents get back! We have to find them and get them home.”

“...you’re taking me with you, aren’t you.”

“Yes — No — I didn’t mean — What do you _mean_ I’m taking you with me?”

“So I _am_ getting out of this?” The kraken boy looked almost hopeful.

“Oh, no. _You_ are staying in my sight, and no amount of camouflage is going to change that. Shall we take a walk around HQ, Abe?”

He resigned himself to his fate. “ _Sigh_.”

“That’s the spirit.”

—————

 _The Department of Floaters_ …

Most birds don’t live as long as we do. A small one like a songbird can expect a lifespan of ten to fifteen years if it isn’t killed by predators. A crow or raven would last a little longer, at around twenty years. Even so, a thirty-year-old bird would have to be abnormally durable, especially with a career choice as a Floater.

And what bird is more durable than one with feathers of steel?

Still, this particular Skarmory was an old-timer even by his standards. He’d bowed out of the game of life years ago, in the aftermath of five unsuccessful breeding seasons back in his home world. And it wasn’t like there were any suitable female bird Pokémon in the PPC as of late, which negated any chance of a stable family for the time being.

Falchion kept thinking this decision over and over as he wandered the hallways of the DF, trying not to stray too far from his RC. Perhaps raising a little brood of agents wasn’t a bad idea. But was he truly ready for that level of responsibility?

His attention was returned to reality by the appearance of a frightened little squidgirl whose eyes constantly darted around nervously. When she spotted him, she rushed to him with surprising alacrity. “Um… A-are you Falcon? D-Daddy said he’s friends with a bird made of metal…”

“Oh? Well, yes, I certainly am. And my name is Falchion. You must be Freya, right?”

The nervous girl nodded. “Y-Yes… Um… I’m lost...  Can you help me?”

He looked down at her, noting her slightly panicked expression. “Yes, sure thing,” he said after a moment’s thought. “I could message Cupid and tell him that you’re with me.”

“B-bu-but what about the blue-haired girl? Sh-she was supposed to be watching us while Mommy and Daddy went out…”

Falchion cocked his head. “Ah, so they’re busy, huh? I may have to notify Lapis in that case.”

“Um… d-didn’t Mommy say that most agents have partners?” A bit of her obvious fear was replaced with curiosity.

“Yes, that’s true.”

“W-where is your partner?” More of her nervousness evaporated.

“She’s busy at the moment, but she’ll be back soon enough,” the Skarmory replied. “I’m sure you’d be happy to meet her.”

“Okay… um… i-is it a problem if I stay with you? You’re n-not as scary as some of the other agents I saw…”

“Oh no, not at all! You’re welcome to stay for a little while. I’d like to get to know more about you, so…”

He opened the door, and was about to step aside to let her in when he stopped in his tracks. “Oh, mind the Spikes! I suppose I should clean up the floor first.”

“Okay… thank you…”

He smiled and patted her head. He could’ve sworn the thought of making one last push to find a proper mate crossed his mind just as he made to find a broom.

—————

Iris was finding it very, very hard to hide. She liked being colorful, but the generic gray of the PPC hallways was not her definition of “colorful”. Sticking out like a sore thumb was the last thing you wanted to be in a game of hide-and-seek, so her best bet was probably to try and find a place with a lot of bright things scattered about.

Luckily, while wandering the hallways, she found an open door, and quickly darted in — before gasping in awe. The room she found resembled a haunted house, except someone had apparently tired of the grim decor and threw up colorful, shiny decorations. Chandeliers hung from the ceiling, multitudes of gemstones dotted the walls, and small creatures darted around the large foyer, watching Iris curiously.

And at the center of all the light and color was a tall, bespectacled, black-haired man with dragon wings, lion ears, and a coiling, scaly tail. He held a thick, leather-bound book in one hand as he reclined in the largest, softest-looking chair Iris had ever seen.

Iris shivered slightly at the sight of it all, half excited, half nervous. “Um… Hello?”

The dragon-man’s green eyes looked up from his book; they had slitted pupils, like a cat in bright light. “Hm? Oh, hello there. I didn’t realize I’d left the door open. Don’t mind the minis, they’re gifts from my uncle and they really like visitors.”

A small, blue, blobbish creature oozed up to her, burbling cheerfully in greeting.

Iris looked down at it. “Awww, cute! You must be a mini-Suu, am I right?”

The mini gurgled again, before crawling away. The dragon-man closed his book shut with a loud _clap_. “Anyway… may I ask who you are, and why you’re in my Response Center?”

“Oh? Call me Iris! And who and what are you?”

The man ran his fingers through his hair, brushing it back. “My name’s Leyuu. As for what I am… that’s a very long story, one that I’m not entirely certain you’re old enough to hear. In simple terms, I’m a hybrid of two things that shouldn’t exist.”

Iris gasped a little, and then whispered, “Should I shut the door? This sounds like some kind of ol’ top secret…”

“It’s not that secret.” Leyuu grinned with a strangely feline curl to his lips. “I was rescued during a PPC mission, not long after I was born. It’s the _circumstances_ that I can’t tell you about. And a team of wild hippogriffs couldn’t drag that out of me.”

The cuttlefish-girl covered her mouth, her skin flashing in vibrant colors. “Wow… Can I stay here for a while? I’d like to get to know more about you! Well, not the top-secret stuff, of course, but still…”

“Well… I suppose I’ve nothing better to do.”

—————

“No, no, _no…_ ” Lapis tugged at her hair in frustration. “They’re not in the DMS, I _know_ they shouldn’t be in—”

Abe followed along, far less bored than he thought he’d be. “Is that an elf? Is that a succubus? That’s a DRAGON!”

“Abe, stay focused. As far as I know, there are only _six_ half-squids in the PPC. You’re one of them, and another’s at FicPsych right now. I could use some help finding the rest of them…”

“I didn’t realize that PPC agents were so… so… _cool!_ ” He looked around in wonder.

“Yes, they are. Now will you please _concentrate?_ ”

“That’s like asking me to stop breathing, lady.”

Lapis rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Abe, if you don’t behave yourself, I’m telling your mother.”

Abe turned back to her with a horribly smug expression. “Go ahead. Tell her that you lost the others.”

Lapis ignored him, instead pulling out her communicator and dialed a number. It took a few rings, but then a male voice answered. _“Hey, Lil’ Blue!”_

“Rayner! Oh, thank Rose Quartz. I need your help.”

_“What’s wrong? Did another giant virus get dragged into HQ?”_

“We haven’t had one of those in _years,_ Rayner.” Lapis knocked twice on the nearest wall. “Look, it’s just… Can you help me find some squids?”

There was a scoffing noise from Rayner’s end of the line. _“I_ tried _to tell you to leave them to me, but you wouldn’t listen…”_

“Just because we helped you get rid of that stupid Bicky Doinko two decades ago doesn’t give you automatic VIP access to my former partner’s children. Now will you _please_ give us a hand?”

_“What am I supposed to do? You were the one who lost them!”_

“I _know_ that. Just… Can you at least call everyone you know and ask about? I’m sure _someone_ will turn up at least one of the kids eventually.”

_“Okay, okay. I’ll get to it ASAP. But at least ask me to help out next time. I’m no Fluttershy, but I’m better with kids. Trust me.”_

“Don’t. Remind. Me.”

Abe continued staring at the other agents. “So… cool…”

Upon thanking Rayner for his help, Lapis hung up and turned to Abe. “Alright, Abe. Help me out here. If I were a squid kid, where would I hide?”

“Damn near anywhere. We’re squishy.”

Lapis scowled. “ _Language_ , young man. Or squid. Or whatever in the name of Rose Quartz _you_ are.” Then she paused, her eyes widening. “Did you say… _anywhere?_ ”

“Well… within reason. Freya won’t go anywhere she’s alone, Iris will go somewhere colorful, Morpheus will want the best hiding spot ever, and Polaris will probably be someplace with a lot of lights and noise.”

Lapis shuddered. “Oh no… Pardon me for being hyperbolic, but…”

Abe tilted his head ninety degrees, in a manner eerily reminiscent of his mother. “But what?”

She scowled again. “If _any_ of your siblings come within a mile of DoSAT, I will _kill_ them.”

—————

Unfortunately, one of the other squidlets was well within a mile of DoSAT at that moment. In fact, he was _in_ DoSAT.

Polaris literally lit up upon seeing all the technology. Shiny things fascinated him, and he certainly wasn’t short of those around here. If only his brothers and sisters could see where he was!

His thoughts were interrupted by a dull BOOM and a small, charred body flew out a nearby door. It splattered into the wall and slid down.

His eyes widened upon seeing what had just happened, and instantly his skin began blinking red like an ambulance. “Oh my gosh! SOMEONE CALL MEDICAL, WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY!”

A moment later, a bizarre-looking man came into view, following the body. “Adéle… damn, not again…” He had strange multicolored eyes, a long nose, a single horn atop his head, and the upper part of his labcoat sleeves seemed oddly empty. “I told her that the extraordinary bolt shouldn’t be tampered with…” He finally noticed the squidlet. “Oh! Hello… I’m sorry if my partner scared you, this sort of thing happens to her all the time.”

Polaris stared at him. “It does?”

“Fortunately, my partner is immortal… or at the very least, she doesn’t stay dead for very long. She’ll be fine in a few minutes. Additionally, aren’t you a bit young to be here?”

“By the looks of it?” said a voice nearby. “Yes.”

Another person had appeared, middle-aged Korean with short, dark hair. Polaris couldn’t tell what gender this person was, but he didn’t care. He looked intimidating… and he liked intimidating.

“Oooh, hi there!” he said, forgetting his horror at whatever had happened to this Adéle. “You must be Seung-Li, right? Dad’s former partner’s—”

“Friend, yes.” Seung-Li frowned at the little kraken. “What are you doing in a _clearly hazardous_ environment that isn’t safe for children?”

“Um, hiding?”

The long-nosed man looked curiously at him, his expression unchanging. “You have the oddest choice of hiding place. It’s easy to find people in the Department of Sufficiently Advanced Technology. Just follow the sounds of blowtorches, power tools, explosions, or curses.”

“But nobody expects to find a child here—” Polaris began, but Seung-Li cut him off.

“Because children aren’t _allowed_ here. You’ve seen what happened to Adéle. What if you were standing too close to the blast? She may be able to respawn, but you probably won’t.”

The body suddenly vanished, and with an odd _poit!_ sound, a young-looking girl with pointed ears and purple hair appeared out of nowhere. “I’m back! What were the results, Zeke?”

The odd-looking man responded without missing a beat. “Third-degree burns, blunt trauma to the entire skeletal system, burst eardrums, and scaring the life out of a young child.”

“I’m fine!” said Polaris. “In fact, I want to work at the DoSAT when I grow up!”

“You’d be surprised how many people say that,” Seung-Li replied, shaking his head. “That’s not a sentiment they keep for longer than a year or two, I’m afraid. Sarah used to tell me that you could trust Sues to die by your hands. Technology, though? Much more temperamental. And _never_ fast enough.”

Adéle floated into midair and looked between the other three people. “I think I’ve missed something.”

“You missed the idiot son of Mr. Carmine bungling his way into our department,” Seung-Li shot at her. “Would you be so kind as to escort him out of here and make sure his parents ground him for a month?”

Polaris remained unfazed by the threat. “They’re busy with other things. Ms. Armenus is taking care of us—”

Seung-Li laughed humorlessly, making the little kraken shudder. “Oh, you are _dead._ ”

“Isn’t Miss Armenus…?” Despite his unchanging expression, Zeke’s eyes expressed confusion.

“Cupid’s former partner, yes,” said Seung-Li. “You know what, Ms. Bowen, can you show him out? I _really_ don’t want to be held responsible when Lapis inevitably tells Cupid and Steph that their son ended up _here_ of all places.”

“Um… uh…” Adéle’s head whipped between the two other technicians. “I, er… I have no idea what’s going on, you lost me at ‘idiot son.’”

“But I wanna stay here and learn about what you do!” Polaris turned dark purple in a clear hue of protest. “I wanna be like you—”

“When you’re older, Polaris.” Seung-Li shook their head. “And less likely to kill yourself.”

“Awww…”

“Again, I point to my partner.” Zeke gestured at Adéle, who suddenly seemed interested in something under the wall panel.

It took exactly fifteen seconds for her to detonate again.

As Zeke attempted to keep Polaris calm, Seung-Li dug out a communicator…

—————

A gigantic blond man rested in the Really Very Tiny Auditorium. His head was pounding, and this seemed like as good a place as any to find some peace and quiet while he ate the odd sandwich that had been made for him.

Or so he thought; the door opened, but the man didn’t see what slipped inside, nor did he particularly care. He combed his hair back with his fingers and tried to enjoy his food.

That was, until he heard a very faint squelching noise directly above him. He looked up to see a tiny striped squid-boy hanging from the ceiling, his suction cups giving him a surprising grip for his little figure.

“Hi there!”

“... greetings, little one. Would you be so kind as to tell me why you’re in here?”

Morpheus giggled. “I’m looking for a place to hide, silly! Don’t tell anyone I’m up here!” He pressed his body against the ceiling and blended in.

Despite himself, the big man smiled. “Well, I suppose I’m hiding here too.” He took another bite of his snack. _He does make perfect bacon…_ “I suppose you’re one of Miss Podd’s children?”

The squidlet nodded, but he figured the blond wouldn’t be able to see him. “I’m Morpheus! You?”

The big man closed his eyes for a moment. “Once upon a time, your mother was my partner. I still serve in the department, but I have found a new partner since. My name is Chakkik.”

Morpheus let out a gentle gasp. “Wow! You’re her… You _were_ her… Oh gosh, it’s an honor! Hi!” He wanted to drop down and hug the big guy, but then he remembered seeing his mom do the same thing to people. Most of them weren’t too enthusiastic about it. “And who are you hiding _from?_ ”

“The world in general. Mostly noise…” Chakkik rubbed his temple with his fingers. “...I’ve had too much to drink… My ma— _associate_ made me this to help me.”

Morpheus blinked. “Your mate? What do you mean, your mate?”

Chakkik took a deep breath. “...how old are you?”

“Nine! Why?”

“Then I can’t tell you.”

“Awww. Can you at least tell me about your time as Mommy’s former partner? She’d be thrilled that I met you!”

“Well… If you believe that… perhaps I can share my history… and your father was part of it as well.”

The little squidlet “ooooh”ed. “Please do! I’ve got the best hiding place, anyway. Lapis will _never_ find me here!”

 _Oh yes she will._ Chakkik reached into his ancient cloak and surreptitiously tapped out a message on his communicator. “Would you like to know how your parents met?”

—————

“…and that’s the story of how I got my current partner,” said Falchion. “I apologize if my story caused you any distress, Freya.”

Freya was sitting (for lack of a better word) on the floor, starry-eyed. “But what about the bird-lizard?”

“Oh, Ripper? Well, he and I parted on friendly terms. He transferred to the DMS, and then he retired to his home epoch about ten years ago. I was sorry to see him go, but I’m happy for him at the same time. He’s probably fossilized in some early Cretaceous mud-bank by now, bless him.”

“Have you ever thought about looking for him, or would that mess with the space-time continumumumum?” She struggled with the last word, apparently not sure where the last syllable was supposed to be.

Falchion chuckled, clicking his sharp beak. “Continu _um_ , Freya. And as for finding Ripper, he made his own choice to retire. Fossil evidence currently suggests that _Deinonychus_ lived only up to about thirty years, so given that Ripper was near his twenties when he joined, he was probably close to the end of his natural lifespan when he left. I suppose he wanted to go in a way that wasn’t as violent as… well…” He shuddered at the memory, but said nothing else.

The little squid-girl surprised him with a hug. “Thanks for the stories, mister Falchion… I don’t feel scared anymore…”

The Skarmory would’ve returned the hug, but every one of his extremities tapered to a point. “You’re welcome, Freya. I suppose I’ll message Lapis now and—”

Right on cue, the communicator next to the console went off. Freya jumped and camouflaged herself in surprise, while Falchion rushed over and tapped at it with his sharp beak. “Hello?”

_“Heyo, Falco!”_

“Oh hi, Rayner! What’s up?”

_“Nothing but the ceiling, man. Anyway, I was kinda wondering… My little blue-haired girl called me a while ago and asked me if I’d seen any squid-people running around. You know, the ones controlling the government at the highest level?”_

“Those are _snake_ people, Rayner. There’s a difference.”

_“Whatever. I was just about to ask if you saw anything near your RC with big horrible tentacles that can suction a man’s face off—”_

Falchion warbled a laugh. “Well, interesting that you’d ask that. One of those abominations is actually terrorizing me as we speak.”

_“Excellent! I’ll contact Lapis ASAP. Just tell the thing to stay put and wait for her before it devours you, okay?”_

“Sure, sure. Oh, and I’m just curious — are you under attack by any krakens, too?”

_“Sadly, nope. They aren’t allowed anywhere within a mile of Bad Slash, for obvious reasons.”_

“I see. Well, then, thanks for letting me know. Have a good day, Rayner!”

_“You too. Seeya, Falco!”_

Falchion turned off the communicator and turned to the little squidlet. “Miss Lapis is coming for you, Freya. Just sit tight and wait near the door. I’ll keep you company until she gets here.”

The squidlet nodded and sat down by the exit, with Falchion perching next to her.

“So…” he said. “While we’re waiting for Lapis, do you want to know about how I joined the PPC in the first place?”

—————

Lapis shut off her communicator, apologizing to the agents around her for screaming almost nonstop for two whole minutes. Most of said apologies were met with grudging acknowledgements and a few hostile glares.

“I should _not_ have tempted the Ironic Overpower,” she snarled. “Polaris is _grounded. Groun. Ded._ ”

“That’s Mom and Dad’s job.” Abe was back to poring through a copy of _Dracula_. “And hey, at least he’s the only one who went anywhere dangerous, right?”

“I can’t possibly care less. I’m telling Cupid and Stephanie as soon as they get back.”

“I’ve been good.” He suddenly looked up at Lapis, a childish grin on his face. “Does that mean I get a cookie?”

“ _No._ ” Lapis glared down at him. “I don’t _care_ if you were the only one who stayed in the RC. As an older brother you should know well enough to _look out for your siblings._ It’s _that simple._ ”

Abe had absolutely nothing to say to that. And anyway, he didn’t have to.

They’d arrived in front of RC 211. Lapis knocked on the door and asked, “Hello? Can I come in?”

There was a sharp snap, and the door opened on its own.

Lapis wasn’t sure what to make of the scene before her. She’d merely meant to ask Leyuu about whether he knew about where any of Abe’s little brothers and sisters were. She certainly didn’t expect to see Iris asleep on his lap, cuddling Kouroki in her slumber.

“Before you ask, miss Armenus… she was very well-behaved.” Leyuu gave Lapis a catlike smile. “I read her stories.”

Lapis didn’t know whether to feel relieved or murderously angry. Instead, she took a deep breath and exhaled a small mushroom-shaped white puff. “Thank you, Leyuu. But I’m afraid Iris has to leave.”

“Alright.” He placed a hand on Iris’ shoulder. “Wake up, little one. It’s time for you to go home.”

Iris slowly opened her eyes, the mini still in her octopus limbs. “Wha…?”

Leyuu smiled again. “I wouldn’t mind assisting if you find yourself watching young krakens again.”

Lapis gave the odd hybrid a look of gratitude. “That would be more than appreciated. I am _not_ good with children, that I can say.”

Abe stared at Leyuu in awe. “You’re a CAT-DRAGON. That is AWESOME.”

Iris looked at Lapis. “Are you sure I shouldn’t stay here a little longer?”

“Not with one of your brothers _already_ in trouble,” the gem replied, her eyes narrowing. “We need to round all of you up before your parents get back and wonder where you went.”

Leyuu ruffled Iris’ hair. “Well, don’t let me keep you. I have the horrid suspicion that…”

**_[ZEEN! ZEEN! ZEEN! ZEEN!]_ **

“...that’s about to happen.”

Everyone else covered their ears, and poor Iris actually let out a small scream.

“Don’t you have a partner, though?” asked Lapis.

Leyuu’s ears folded back. “I do, but she’s out of the RC at the moment. Hopefully she gets here before I go deaf…”

“That would be a good idea,” said Lapis. “C’mon, Iris. Let’s get you home.”

The still-stunned Abe managed to get two words out. “Morpheus… Polaris…”

Lapis slapped her own forehead. “Right. _Those_ two. We’ll get them first, and then look for Freya. You in?”

Iris was still covering her ears, but she hopped off of Leyuu’s lap and nodded. “Where do we go?”

—————

“... and that is how I met him. At least his handiwork has dispelled my hangover…”

Morpheus, still clinging to his hiding spot above Chakkik, had been listening intently. “Wow…”

Chakkik stared at the door.

Morpheus looked down at him, tilting his head. “What are you looking at?”

Chakkik’s scowl broke into a smug grin. “Five… four… three… two… one…”

The door burst open. Lapis stood there, Abe and Iris at either side and a very sullen Polaris behind her.

“Chakkik,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “What is Morpheus doing on the _ceiling?_ ”

Morpheus gave Chakkik a look of mock betrayal. “You told her, didn’t you?”

“I’m not saying anything. I’ll have you know he’s been there for hours; and even if he’d fallen, he would have landed on me. He was in no danger.”

Morpheus laughed, his stripes moving almost hypnotically across his body. “You’re fine! I was wondering when you’d get her… I’m surprised she didn’t think to come over here!”

“What, you honestly think I haven’t known about your habit of clinging to ceilings?” Lapis chuckled dryly. “You’re out of the game, Morpheus, so you’re coming with me. As soon as we find Freya, I’ll tell her that she won.”

“Awww…” Taking care not to simply drop onto Chakkik’s head, the little pajama squidlet slid towards the nearest wall and made his way down.

Chakkik turned his attention to Lapis. “Greetings, Lapis. It has been far too long. I will give you three guesses as to how I managed to hold his attention.”

“Thanks, Chakkik, but I honestly don’t have time for any guessing games at the moment,” said Lapis, though she still had an impressed smile and a very good guess. “Cupid and Stephanie will be done with their own thing soon and they won’t be happy if they find out their children have gone missing.”

“Understandable. It’s curious how well Morpheus seemed to behave himself when you weren’t here…”

Iris spoke up at that point. “Hey, I’ve been good, too!”

“You _ran out of the RC_ while I wasn’t looking,” said Lapis. “As did you, Morpheus.”

Abe started grumbling. “What am I, sushi?”

Lapis was about to respond when her communicator went off. She yelped and picked it up.

After a brief conversation, she nodded and shut the device off. “Freya’s at Falchion’s place. That’ll be our last stop.” She turned to Chakkik and said, “Thank you for taking care of Morpheus. Though maybe next time you should ask him _not_ to hide on the ceiling.”

Chakkik nodded in assent. With that, he watched the group turn and leave the auditorium, before digging out his communicator.

“Hello, Thomas… I know this is an odd question, but I feel like asking… have you thought about adoption?”

—————

“We’re HOOOOOOME!” Stephanie burst in the door of the RC, with Cupid in tow.

“Hey, Lapis!” Cupid’s voice was cheerful. “How was your time with the kids? Did you have fun?”

Lapis was on the sofa, her face buried in her hands. All around her were four sleeping squidlets and one more who sat cross-limbed on the floor, glowering.

Stephanie approached her son. “...Abe?”

“ _I’m not happy_.”

Stephanie frowned. “What happened? Lapis?”

“You should’ve seen the other guys,” the gem muttered into her palms. “ _Especially_ the techies.”

Cupid looked around at the whole scene, uncertain of what to make of it. After several long moments, he settled for trying to think positive.

“Awww, just a few hours and the kids are tired already? Looks like they must’ve had a great time with you! Perhaps we could hire you again next time?”

Lapis gave him an irritated glare. “You wouldn’t know the half of it, Cupid. Though I suppose double pay would be mandatory should there _be_ a next time.”

Stephanie’s face fell, her skin turning purple. “That bad, huh?”


End file.
